My father passed away unexpectedly when I was two years old. I never felt like I ever had a father, even with a step father. You were truly blessed to have grown up with a father to look up to and be inspired by. I feel for you having to deal with all that goes with the loss of a loved one.
Becoming a father almost 30 years ago has more than made up for my childhood, especially when I spend time with my grandchildren.